Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Cheesecake Mastery Part 2: Easter '10 Massacre

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This Easter I went head to head with my one of the most brutal foes I have faced so far: a cherry cheesecake covered in heavy whipping cream. Man versus cake in a fight to the finish.

While my last foe was impressive in terms of sheer power and bulk, it was also unsophisticated and predictable. I conquered it easily. This one had a trick up its sleeves. The heavy whipping cream was unexpected and deadly. I felt this was going to be a challenge; especially considering that I was weakened from the mounds of eggs, salmon, roasted lamb and assorted meats I had consumed minutes before. It was a devious cake they had prepared for me. One that might very well have proved to be my undoing.

At first it seemed cherry cheesecake was gaining the upper hand by dark powers of intimidation. Could I break through the thick outer shell of heavy whipping cream - and not to mention could I finish all of it? The task seemed impossible. Doubt was beginning to set in.

But once I broke through the whipping cream I found it's weak point - the moist soft core. After that I made quick work of it. Victory was mine.

Click to see a bigger version. (if you dare...)


69 comments:

Wilmar said...

HARDCORE.

seand said...

How do you do it?!

I'm jealous...

Give us some dietary recommendations already!

Nanok said...

Lol !! Finish Him !!! :D

Nanok said...

Did you get the combo points by chance ?? :)

Anonymous said...

You must have experienced some serious "TRÖCK" after that hardcore battle!

Keep up your awesome work Martin!

Martin Berkhan said...

Yeah, so many combo-points they need to invent a new system to keep track of them all. Just kept racking them up all throughout the day...

Tom said...

LOL great stuff

Thomas said...

Martin-you ate the whole cake?! Are you kidding?

LayzieBone085 said...

Doesn't it suck because you want to savor every bite, but sometimes you plow through something so good so fast? Totally Epic, how those diet macros treating you now :)?

Martin Berkhan said...

I always eat the whole cake. That's just how I roll.

Martin Berkhan said...

Layzie, I never really got into that whole savoring every bite thing. I go through food & cakes & animals like a goddamn lawnmower.

Anonymous said...

Lawnmower Man 3: Cheesecake Annihilation

Thomas said...

Martin-Wow-Awesome! I guess if your going to do it, do it with something good-cheesecake fits the bill.

LayzieBone085 said...

Do you always eat your meals relatively fast Martin? I sometimes find myself eclipsing an hour on meals, and going through 1/2 gallon of water sometimes.

Martin Berkhan said...

Yup. Always been a fast eater with a giant appetite to boot.

Moritz said...

FATALITY!

Raidho said...

Ha ha hilarious!
It sure looks delicious, got a recipe for that monster?

Robby said...

I still don't get it! 16/8 leangains method will make me more ripped and muscular and I will even be able to eat a whole cheesecake during the holidays?!

Anonymous said...

But... But... You just ate something with carbs and fat!!??

-Alan Aragorn

Martin Berkhan said...

Raidho,

You know, you're not the first one to ask...but my Mom is pretty adamant about keeping the recipe in the family. Maybe it's for the better. I know I'd be eating that damn thing every day if I knew how to make it.

Robby,

Yup. Leangains = awesomeness.

Martin Berkhan said...

Alan,

But it was low in fructose. So I'm in the safe zone.

Anonymous said...

It was crumbs all over the place.. *shivering*

Mathilda said...

Martin aka the cookiemonster.

Matt said...

Haha, man this is awesome ;)
I just happen to be a huge fan of cheesecake and my mom also made a giant strawberry cheesecake for Easter. I still have ways to go till I reach your level of mastery since I only managed to eat half of it in one sitting. This is so motivating lol

Jon Fernandes said...

LMFAO!

Matt said...

haha omg this is just fucking hilarious. Martin just keepin it real as usual

Mikael said...

Great feat!

So, how about sharing the recipe already? .-)

Christine said...

I love it! My Easter massacre involved strawberry pie.

Joe said...

LMAO@Martin Kombat

I will someday perform a similar feat sir, under the duress of an insidiously delicious pastry. I may perish, but many an ethiopian will hear of my tale and die(of hideous rage) with me.

Keith said...

LOL brilliant!

Anonymous said...

i lol'd seriously. thanks.

Anonymous said...

How did the cake acutely affect your shape? a wush effect or blow up water retention ?
just curious...
Hans

Martin Berkhan said...

I'm back to normal by now, but I was really bloated the day after. Could barely see my abs.

I got some pics from today and yesterday (2 days post-cheesecake) and there's a noticeable difference. Might tweet them or use as part of an article on post-holiday damage control later.

Anonymous said...

considering your job is to be in shape, and that you take nutrition really serious all year round, this seems like a really irrational thing do to.. if you seriously like cheesecake, why not eat smaller portions of it during a much longer period, after meals, or some other way of indulging in moderation

Martin Berkhan said...

It's not my job to be in shape but to get other people in shape. And I'll eat cheesecake "irrationally" and look good either way.

Blue said...

You’re a big talker Martin, but anybody can splice a few images together. I demand video proof of the battle - round 4…and bring something a little more primetime….say heavy caramel and fudge mixed in?

Seve' said...

OMFG Martin, You didn't eat the 'Whole ThingY?' LOL.

I was salivating deliciously like reading some kind of 'food eroticism'mmmmmmm, until you said you Ate the whole thing. WOW!

Like your Cheesecake & whipped cream, Martin, you are wrapped with intelligence with humor. What a killer combo. hehe
ps. I bet I can eat faster than you. My father used to make me chew 20 times before swallowing my bite of food. If you blink, it's gone.lol

Manveet said...

Hilarious.

Although your facial expressions are quite creepy looking.

Martin Berkhan said...

Blue,

Be careful what you wish for...

Seve,

For the sake of transparency, I'll say that I ate about 95% of it. I gave my sister and her friend a tiny slice and that's it. And I could easily have gone for a second cake later that evening.

Manveet,

Agreed. I look like a complete nutjob.

Anonymous said...

Great stuff. Cake looks friggin awesome.

Rob said...

Martin, do you ever drink alcohol? If so how frequently and (typically) how much at a time?

Martin Berkhan said...

Once a week. How much, well, that depends. Enough to get a good buzz going but not enough to get plastered. Last time was about half a bottle of red wine (40 cl), 5-6 shots (6 cl each) and a few breezers (27 cl each).

Wilmar said...

you're HARDCORE drinker too. and if my metric system serves me right, isn't 6 cl per shot a pretty big shot?

Keith said...

How do you deal with the effects of eating such a large surplus the days after?

Frank Dobner said...

You didn't eat that really, did you?

Martin Berkhan said...

Wilmar,

Yeah, 6 cl is a double (large) and 4 cl is a single (small).

Ketih,

Upcoming article.

Brad said...

Martin,

This is off topic but I'd be interested to know if you use intensity cycling in your training.

Martin Berkhan said...

Not at the moment since I've switched back to less frequent, lower volume and higher intensity training (as opposed to higher frequency where I use intensity cycling).

Anonymous said...

Martin, your blog is one of the most interesting out there.

How many times per year do you indulge in a whole cake? Christmas and your birthday for sure, now Easter and what else?

Max

Martin Berkhan said...

Christmas, my birthday (feb), Easter, Mum's birthday (late april), once or twice during the summer when I see the family, my name day (nov) + maybe once or twice on top of that. So about once every six-seven weeks or so.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Martin. So the ¨post-indulgence damage control diet¨ of Leangains allows you to eat whole cakes relatively frequently and still look good all-year round. Awesome.

And Martin, although it´s true that your job is not to be in shape but to get other people in shape, I (at least as a consumer) wouldn´t buy your book or take you seriously if you were incapable of looking ripped yourself.

Max

Blue said...

Am I correct in assuming that you still have 3 re-feed days per week on top of the holiday cheesecake? How much (percentage) do your calories go up on the re-feed days? Is it still mainly ice cream?
Do you pull your pants up one leg at a time, like the rest of us mortals?

ST said...

Hi Martin,

How many times during the 6-7 weeks between cheesecake indulgences do you have minor ones like a bit of icecream pwo or a cookie.

Martin Berkhan said...

Blue,

I have a slight refeed on training days, which atm is about 3x/8 days or 4x/10 days depending my training cycle. Once in a while it's ice cream or cereal, but lately I'm sticking more and more to whole foods due to personal preference. I don't have as much as a sweet tooth anymore (back in the days I would always have cereal or ice cream pwo).

Martin Berkhan said...

ST,

When it's offered or when I feel like having it. Not too often, maybe once or twice a week (i.e pwo).

Anonymous said...

Martin, I guess that in your mother´s birthday you don´t eat the whole cake and leave something for her!! LOL
Max

Martin Berkhan said...

Usually, yes.

But maybe not this time. She might only get a piece if I'm satisifed with her progress*. Yes, I have her on the Leangains-approach.

Results are promising so far. I plan on including her in the next client update that should be up in a few weeks. End of April or early May. It's going to be a magnificent update.

* Just kidding. I'm not such a cruel taskmaster. My clients cheat from time to time and it doesn't hurt their progress much.

SoreButtCheeks Blog said...

I love the man vs food show, nice to see someone doing their own version.

LayzieBone085 said...

What does a usual PWO meal look like for you? Chicken and Potatoes? I make do with what i can put together in my school cafeteria, sometimes it is NOT pretty.

Look forward to the next updates Martin.

Rusty - Fitness Black Book said...

Martin,

Hilarious...I liked your response to the person who said doing this was not responsible and it was "your job" to be in shape...

"It's not my job to be in shape but to get other people in shape. And I'll eat cheesecake "irrationally" and look good either way."

Too many people think being in great shape requires deprivation. If you can't eat large amounts of cheesecake from time to time, life wouldn't be worth living.

Clever post!

-Rusty

Anonymous said...

I'd definitely be interested in seeing your day-by-day pics in the days following, along with your strategies for getting the bloat under control.

Murphy said...

Hahaha, the look on your face cracks me up.

jm.liwaxing said...

a quick question: do you recommend turbulence training by craig ballantyne ?

Martin Berkhan said...

I am more in favor of heavy resistance training (as opposed to metabolic/body weight/circuit type training).

Megan said...

Martin, I've tried to figure out where I can find the link to your store so I can buy the book...but I must be too dense to figure it out. Any help?

Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Megan, the book's not out yet, but we're all waiting patiently. :)

Megan said...

Anon - not true =) I was reading through a forum that he posted in.

Daniel said...

Martin,

Just curious if you have or have ever had issued with acne. I would soooo love to slam a fatty cheesecake as well, but it would be a skin-disaster for me. Do you just not have this issue?

Thanks!

Amanda Bowen said...

Marry me you extremely impressive human. That is all. xo AB




My name is Martin Berkhan and I work as a nutritional consultant, magazine writer and personal trainer.

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